Perspective

The LEO life is all my Lil' D has ever known.  In fact, it's all any of the boys in our house have ever known.  His slightly older cousin Big D met his now Tio Rickey when he turned one and now his own daddy has also joined the LEO family.  Our littlest one, BrayBray, who is quickly approaching his very first birthday, will soon realize what his Daddy does too.

It was decided pretty early on in a conversation I had with my LEO how I want my children to perceive his career.  Having been a LEOW for a few years at that point and the boys being old enough to start playing "Police", I had a very serious moment within myself.  Watching them chase each other around the house, one with handcuffs in hand and the other screaming and laughing and running away, I wondered if this is the only way they see Rick.  While they were incredibly cute running and laughing and playing I wanted to be sure that they knew what Daddy/Tio Rickey really does.  He saves people.  

I realize that "getting the bad guy" sounds cool.  And we all want our kids to think we are cool, right?  But there is so much more to what my husband does.  In my perspective, he wasn't just getting the bad guy, he was saving people...from the bad guy or even themselves.  From something as small as a traffic ticket to taking drugs off the streets or a barricaded subject, my LEO was protecting and saving lives.  

He is saving you from a careless or reckless driver on the road.  And maybe he is a little more strict with you today because just earlier he arrived to a DOS of a small child because someone didn't want to sit through a stoplight so they tried to beat the light but instead t-bones a family vehicle.  He is saving you from yourself as you travel at a high rate of speed down a small back road.  But maybe it means something more to him because just last week he found that truck wrapped around a pole and now a wife and three children will be left without their husband and daddy.  He is saving that lady from the EDP who is holding his Mom hostage in his bedroom.  He is saving those families from drowning in the floods. He is saving the youth in our community from that drug dealer he captured during that vehicle pursuit who planned on distributing methamphetamine to our babies.

At a time when Law Enforcement and their actions are being dragged through the mud, I hope that we can change the perspective of our young ones.  Let them know that Police Officers save people rather than get the bad guys.  Help them understand that if they ever need help that they can trust that my husband, my children's daddy, will be there to help them as fast as he can.  Please stop telling them that if they don't finish their lunch that that cop over their will put you in jail.  If you do that in front of us by the way, we will quickly make it a point to call you out.  Just a fair warning.

As I hear the sirens screaming way too early this Saturday morning, I wonder how my boys are going to perceive these kinds of calls as they get older.  I hope that they see that he is protecting us and others from the guy with a gun and not just that he is going to get him and put him in jail.  I hope that they understand that Daddy's job means more than putting bad guys in jail.  Daddy's job means saving and helping people he doesn't know.  And that is okay with him and it is also okay with us because somebody out there does know and love them and that means that we have to make that sacrifice as a family. I hope that when people ask my children what their Daddy does that their response will be, "He saves people." 

I have prayed a lot recently that people see my husband for who he really is.  He is a good cop with good intentions.  

save¹

sāv

verb

1. 1.

   keep safe or rescue (someone or something) from harm or danger.

   synonyms:

   rescue, come to someone's rescue, save someone's life;  set free, liberate, deliver, extricate

Who Do You Think You Are?

Hey news reporter!  You, Mr. Lou Bloom, over there!! What are your intentions exactly??  What is it that you have against my husband?!

It’s obviously not the time he took Christmas presents to your neighbor’s grandkids because they would have went without that year or the time he risked all he had to save that gal from her abusive boyfriend.  Or not even that time that he cradled that toddler on that dirt driveway and gave him CPR long after he knew he had been given his wings.  Those times were not newsworthy I guess.  Those times don’t matter.

In all honesty, I feel sad for you.  What must it be like to seek out the ugly all the time?  How does one feel after twisting and manipulating situations so that they make good people look bad.  Are you proud of your “accomplishments”?  Is this what you want your children to be surrounded by?  To believe that this world is made up of nothing but evil? 

I was asked if I heard about the #McKinney incident.  No, I hadn’t really.  Not because I do not care but because I refuse to empower those who prey on society with psychological manipulation.  I don’t watch your stories.  I don’t listen to your stories.   If I wanted to be put in a crappy mood, I would put down a tub of Rocky Road, slap on a swimsuit and stand in front of a mirror.  At least with that I would be able to experience those moments of amazing while stuffing my face. 

I will tell you one thing with absolute certainty.  You will not destroy mine or my children’s spirit.  I will protect them from your distorted version of the truth.  If they want to know the truth they will have to seek it themselves.  I know that by giving you my time I only empower you.  My energy and time will be committed to speaking good things about the good people that surround me.  But with all this said…I can’t fix you.  I CAN fix me, however. 

Let me say this to my friends, if you don’t give them your time, then they don’t have anybody to feud with and what is the fun in that?!  We are giving them their power. 

Have you ever been told that you are the company you keep?  You don’t want that kind of company.  Don’t surround yourself with ugly.  Nobody wants to be ugly…

I will challenge myself to refrain from reading/watching your trash and instead seek out uplifting stories and share those.  Maybe over time our friends reputation will be where it deserves to be, right alongside our other local heroes.

I leave you with this.  12 Acts of Kindness From Police Officers

#ALLlivesmatter #BlueLivesMatter #StopTheHate #SpreadTheLove

Be Present

pres·ent¹

noun

     1. the period of time now occuring.

Between patrol, a diving assignment, the annual SWAT conference, training days, extra jobs, leadership class, call outs and scheduled missions he hasn't had a day off in close to a month.  So, needless to say, I was pretty excited about having an evening of nothing to do but sit there on the couch and just be with him. He was scheduled for a mission in the morning so I knew it was going to be an early night. 3AM comes fast. He made it through one show on the couch and then we decided to move into the bedroom where I planned on watching my follow up show with him and then calling it a night.

Then comes the text.

Somehow I have a sixth sense when it comes to call-out texts.  It wasn’t one of those, however.  It's the more annoying kind.  It was from the on duty deputy monitoring the call screen and tipping off my husband that the team may get called out.   It's the limbo stage.   Will they or won't they be called out?   I lost him at that moment.  His mind was no longer with me.  Couldn't he just be here until he actually gets called out?   Nope.  Instead, I lose him until the page goes out.  As I continued to watch my show, he got up and did some things and then uncommittedly sat back down on the bed.  He stared at his phone for the next 15 minutes.  Or at least that's what it felt like.  I wish they would just page him already! 

Finally the chime came through that he was waiting for.  But he didn't jump out of bed right away.  We have been married for a while and so I knew what he was doing.  He didn't want to seem too excited to leave.  He was careful so that he didn't offend me.   It was a nice gesture but seriously, I don’t know who he thinks he is kidding when he does stuff like that.  And with a quick peck, I sent him off.  But he hesitated to leave.  WTH?  Isn't that the call he was waiting for? Now that my brisk kiss matches his removed manner, it bothers him?! Wasn't his demeanor brisk and detached just waiting for that text?

Okay, wait.  I am not THAT girl.  My body has purged all post pregnancy hormones so I couldn't really blame it on that. What about that whole situation bothered me so much???  And why did it bother me enough that he actually noticed something was wrong with me.  And like all other times, as soon as the garage door closed, I fought with myself trying to make sense of what I was feeling. 

After a bit, I had figured it out.  You see, to him, he was putting on his mental armor.  It’s the whole reason he joined the team.  It's saving a life.  It’s getting the bad guy.  It's the rush and dump sensation.  But to me, these moments before they pull him away, AGAIN, could be the last moments that I have with him.   I discovered that I needed him to be there in the moments before he left. To lay with me for just a while longer.  Or to go kiss his boys goodbye since he actually had a little time to prepare.  But he wasn't and he didn't . He didn't realize what he was doing and I didn't realize how much it was hurting me.  I needed him to be present.  He didn't know how loud his actions were speaking and I didn't have time to talk it through with him.  PLUS,  I felt like I was just getting some time in with him!  Cut me a break.  **Sigh**

I hated leaving things that way.  I hated that he left worrying about what was wrong with me.  He should have been 100 percent focused on his duty to the county and its citizens, whoever they were, and he wasn't able too.  Or at least I felt that I didn't allow him to.  I felt horrible. 

I knew he would put his game face on, we would temporarily put it all on hold and we would deal with it later.  Unfortunately, later was well past my bedtime.  So like everything else, we will talk it through at some point and make adjustments to our relationship as we walk this thin blue line together, as a family. Communication is the key to success in my book and I choose to smother our marriage in it.  

Here is a good one for the wall.

Finding the Constant Among the Inconsistent

There are so many things in our life that are just plain unpredictable.  There just isn’t any certainty that things are going to happen the way we planned.  Between call-outs, trainings, late calls, extra jobs and so forth, our family has learned not to commit to anything wholeheartedly.  I say I can do that girls night next weekend because my husband will be home to take care of the boys but that is definitely not a concrete promise.  Well, when it comes to my marriage and its relation to the force there are certain consistencies that I can depend on; some are more welcome than others.  Here are a few examples.

1. I can always expect numerous outbursts from the off-duty professional with his arm around me while watching that pre-recorded crime drama.  It may happen like this.  “That would never happen.” “What are you doing?!"  If a (bleepity-bleep) ever backlit me like that…” “Bring in that elbow you idiot!)  **Sigh**  One day he will remember they are just actors.  This is just a movie.  The bad guy got caught.  That’s all they want you to know.
2. It did not take me long at all to figure out that when we were in public I always had a pre-determined seat.  That seat was any one that I wanted that was not the one facing the main point of entry in a facility.  It’s so instinctual for me now.  While we are led to our table I quickly scope my options considering which seat allows for the best view of the majority of the crowd while also having a non-obstructive view of the main entrance.  I DO NOT sit here.  It needs a cool name.  Maybe something like the BVP, Best Vantage Point.  I mean, what happens at a SWAT conference and they go out to dinner?  Do they flip for that seat or what?
3. My officer finds comfort in offensive humor.  Please do not mistake his grim wittiness for insensitivity.  It’s simply a way to make light of a terrible situation.  This makes it interesting when he and my father, an Austin Firefighter, get together in public. I always feel the need to apologize before we even sit down or use their P.A. to give out some sort of disclosure.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything though.
4. Inside jokes and code phrases, or “shift talk” as I like to call it.  Whether it be a coding system to rate the beauty of a woman or some made-up word to describe the crack-head they tackled during a foot pursuit, cops have their own language.
5. The random doorbell question during dinner.  This happened more often when we just moved into the neighborhood but it still happens randomly. Neighbor:  Uh, hi, uh…My best friend’s mom’s ex-husband keeps calling her.  What can she do? Me: (in my head of course) Uh, well, uh…she can tell him to screw off.  But that’s why I don’t answer the door. 
6. You will know his friends and co-workers by their last names long before you get to their first.
7. The quiet that interrupts our lunch conversation is just another part of the gig.  My oldest still hasn’t caught on, but he will get there.  Dylan and Braydan will come to know that Daddy has a certain stare when something important comes over his radio.  It’s easier to notice, of course, when his earpiece is not in.
8. The sound of Velcro is like Heaven on earth.  This means my husband is with me one more sweet day.
9. Number nine is my favorite.  While out with my uniformed love, I will never take for granted the random handshake or “thank you”.  It will always be a proud moment to see my husband being honored by a citizen who is thankful for his service to the community.  I always feel privileged to be standing next to him when that happens and am always humbled when they turn to me and thank me for being supportive of his career.  

You see, when you are a LEO wife you will always be disappointed if you expect things to happen a certain way.  But there are a few things you can expect to be somewhat consistent and I hold on to those dearly.