How To Survive A LE Family

Oh, the all too familiar week where all you wanna do is give it the finger.  You’ve worked all day and have plans to take care of that one errand that you haven’t had time to do in 3 months. Your LEO is picking up the kids and you’re gonna GET. IT. DONE.  Well, that’s the plan anyway.  Your phone chimes with a message that your LEO is working his 3^rd extra shift that week.  Your response?

Well damn, I’m glad that was a text cause what….the….ef.  So here we go again.  Doing it all alone.  Instead of a peaceful trip to the store, you head to pick up your 2-year old who doesn’t have any pants on because he had an accident and you forgot to restock his cubby with extra clothes and then your 8 year old who’s first words to you are “Can I get a game on my Ipad?”.  Well, hello son.  It’s nice to see you too.  On the drive they realize we aren’t heading home and the questions begin. 

“Where are we going?” “Somewhere.”

“Why?” “Because.”

 “I want a snack?” “How are you always hungry?  I just saw you finish a snack at pick up!”

“I need to use the restroom?” “Seriously? We were just at school.”

“How long is it gonna be?” “A while.”

“Can I just stay home with Daddy?”  “No. No son, you can’t stay home with Daddy, cause Daddy isn’t home….again!”  And though this is how I want to respond to him on this last one, I can’t.  I won’t.  That’s not going to help anyone. 

You finally get home from your 3-hour errand, that should have only taken you an hour to find that your LEO is still not home.  You get the car unloaded, by yourself.  You get boys settled just in time to get them ready for bed. 

“What? We just got home!”

“I didn’t even have time to play!”

“I don’t want to take a bath.  I didn’t even sweat today!”

“I don’t want to go ni-night!”

The door alarm chimes.  Your LEO is home.  He walks in and sets down his bag and comes in for a kiss and it takes everything in you to lean in and return his affection. 

“How was your day?” he asks. 

Just stay silent.  Do not say a word.  It will be better for everyone. 

“It was fine. Yours?”

“Fine.”

Cool.  You get the boys to bed and finally have a chance to sit down.  Maybe you and your LEO can sit next to each other for a few minutes.  But just for a few minutes, because he has to get some rest before heading to his extra job at 3AM.  And so the story goes….

So how do we get through this?  How do we remain supportive?  I’ve said this before.  And I’ll say it again.  Being a LEOW ain’t for the weak.  It takes an abundant amount of strength, courage, independence, patience and all things Wonder Woman-ish.  There are a few things that have worked for me.  Let's just call them tips on how to survive in a blue family.  

1. Flip the script. Yeah you had a long day at work and a trying trip to the store and an even more trying time getting everyone squared away at home but in between those moments you got to hear your boys laughing and watch them play.  You got to watch their face light up when you told them we could stop for ice cream.  You got to be a part of their day.  Daddy, who left before they woke up and got home just as they were going to sleep missed one more day with his babies. 
2. Make time.  It’s so easy to get swallowed into our schedules.  Try and schedule time to be a family.   I know that sound ridiculous, but it’s reality.  And although we all know how it works when you try to make a plan, make it anyway.  If it doesn’t work out, schedule it again.  Keep on driving on.  Let the kids stay up a little later.  Meet your LEO somewhere, even if it’s for a small treat or hug exchange.  And when they do happen, cherish them.  Make yourself recognize that moment as a blessing. 
3. Try to resist unloading.  There are so many moments that could overtake me if I let them.  I have found ways that work for me over the years.  Ultimately, accepting it for what it is and recognizing that bitching about it to my LEO will only make things worse has kept us going strong.  But mainly, what has saved me in these trying months has been leaning on a fellow LEOW that I can relate to and ranting on to her.  She will do the same with me and when our LEOs return at the end of the night, it is so much easier to greet them with a smile. 
4. Touch base.  If it is not happening already, make it a point to reach out to each other at least twice a day.  Even if it’s just a text.   Reaching out to each other when it’s not for something regarding the kids or work sets a positive foundation for the next time you talk to each other.
5. Let him know you love and support him.  Reach out and see if you can do anything for him.  Allow him a moment to decompress before tearing into him about a certain situation.  Raise your children to accept his duty and how much he sacrifices for the family.  And express to them how strong they are for sacrificing for Daddy.  Be proud of your LEO.  And don’t be shy to express that to him or others.  He will recognize that.  And he will return the gratitude.  I promise.

My LEO and I chose this lifestyle together.  Unfortunately our children did not get that choice and sometimes those moments alone can break you.  It’s extremely trying at many, many moments.  This doesn’t mean that I lost the right to express my frustrations.  It doesn’t mean that at all.  It just means that I accepted a lifestyle that is not for the weary or the weak.  I will remind myself however many times I need to that I knew it was not going to be easy.  I may not have known how.  But I knew it would be. 

They need us ladies.  They need our support from the sidelines.  They need it in the background.  They cannot do it without us.  This I know.  Stand strong for we are their armor. 

All my love,

Mrs.  11135

::Embrace the Suck::

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I have no idea how to process that I just have to write it out.  I have had this one sitting in my drafts for about a month.  These were my thoughts even before Dallas and now Baton Rouge.  I'm feeling pretty damn thankful that I have my LEO today.  He is out on watch tonight, patrolling the streets.  And It's getting a little harder each night to fall and stay asleep.  I am praying for new strength everyday.  Here were my struggles from a month ago me...

It’s no secret in my relationship that I have a lot work on when it comes to expressing my affection.  Don’t get me wrong, when I love, I love hard.  It’s a struggle I worry myself about all the time.  Rick is so amazingly perfect at telling me and showing me just how much he adores me.  This fact is actually something that only the people closest to us know.  He is a hardcore badass who separates his personal emotions when it comes to getting stuff done.  Most people know him as that guy.  I am blessed to know him as both.

I guess, it’s just that I know how I feel about him.  I know he is my everything.  I know just how much I need him and that I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to survive without him.  Where I fall short is letting him know all those things as much as he deserves to know.  It’s always hard reflecting on your personal faults. 

Here’s where I am going with all of this…

This kid.  I swear.  He always has something going on.  I can’t keep up.  Here recently it’s been one thing after another.  The latest was the annual SWAT camp.  It lasts a week and it’s always out of town.

The kids had stayed with their grandparents for the night and the way it worked out would not have been able to say bye to Daddy before he left.  It would have been a full week for them and my oldest was distraught.  It seriously would have been an emotional week for him if I didn’t make arrangements.  So instead of going home from a long weekend, the boys and I made the trip from Buda to Georgetown to say our goodbyes.  After a few minutes of chatting, I stepped out of the car and he leaned in for a goodbye kiss.  I laid an swift kiss on him and a reminder to say goodbye to the boys again and jumped back into the car.  I am not even sure if I hugged him. 

As soon as I shut the the door, I felt an immediate urge to run and give him one of those movie goodbyes.  The whole run across the lot, jump in his arms, grab his face and makeout kind of goodbye. 

But I didn’t. 

I just sat there fighting with myself and talking myself down.  Why?  Why didn’t I just go out there?  Why didn’t I kiss him like I wanted to to begin with?  What the hell is wrong with me?  Something is seriously wrong with my express feelings switch!  You know when you have an internal struggle and your mind is going a mile a minute and everything is going in fast forward and then all of a sudden it stops? 

That’s how it all went down.  Holy hell…this is pretty deep.  So deep in fact that I can’t deal with this right now. I have to get the boys home and get unpacked and get everybody ready for school tomorrow. And that is where I left it…until now.

So as I sit down and write this post, I am forced to really reflect on why it is that I do that.  It happens all the time.  I want to give him a proper goodbye.  I want to do that every day.  I want him to know how much I am going to miss him and how much I love him. I just can’t.  I can’t do that.     

I can’t kiss him like it’s the last time I am going to see him. 

This is what I do.  This is how I protect myself.  This is how I can be so "strong" while he is doing what he does.  This is how I keep from curling up and crying or worrying 24/7.  A lot of times I don’t even know what I am doing to protect myself until I am forced to reflect on it.  I try and make myself feel better by reminding myself that I show him I love him in so many other ways.  It works for a while but eventually I will feel bad about it again.  

This is the struggle, y’all.  My reality is that my husband just might not come home.  And although the threat has always been there, recently my husband has had a target on his back for the sole reason that he bears a badge and that makes it so much harder to deal with. 

So what happens now?  Hell, I don’t know.  I just keep moving forward and doing what I do.  I may attempt to kiss him longer and harder when he leaves and hope that it doesn’t break me.  This is the life though.  You just have to keep moving forward, praying for protection and as my husband would say, “Embrace the suck.” 

PS...I'm finding so much comfort in my fellow LEOWs.  Most days here lately I wonder, while everyone around me is doing their daily thing, if they notice that I am cracking.  Slowly cracking.  I know I am not alone and I find comfort in knowing my girls have got my six.  I may not see them or even talk to them often but I know they are there.  Thank you, you two, you know who you are for giving me a mental break from reality this weekend.  Love you, both. 

The Next Step

There have been many moments in my marriage that make my heart swell with pride when it comes to my husband.  One of the top few would be the time he spent sacrificing for you and I during his tours in the Army, watching him form the beautiful bond with my first born and now our second, and his full-hearted commitment to Williamson County and its citizens. 

Over the past couple of years, Rick and I have had to start thinking about the next step in his career.  We have committed to the Swift Water Rescue team, the Dive Team and SMT as a family.  But my husband doesn’t settle.  He has to challenge himself.  This is one of the things I love about him.  He needs more.  He needs more for his own self-worth but mainly for his wife and two boys.  We knew the next step would be to put in for sergeant.  We have been considering this for that past couple of years on and off but off course that comes with sacrifice.  As does most things when it comes to law enforment.  Our boys are young and he didn’t want to miss out on anything.  We also knew that meant moving to nights and we all know that comes with a different set of challenges in a family. 

The time came a few weeks ago.  A position was advertised for Patrol Sergeant.  We ultimately decided that it was time to put in.  We didn’t know if it would happen, but we knew that whatever did happen that it would be in God’s plan for our family.  The competition was tough.  A long list of respected and qualified gentleman had put in.  He knew what he was up against.  The past  couple of weeks I had the most beautiful opportunity to witness my husband inform our oldest son what he wanted and needed to do for our family.  He watched him put every ounce of his time into his commitment.  I have to say that this was the best part of it all.  We spoke to him about the changes that may happen and he understood that he would have to make sacrifices if Daddy actually got the position.  He watched his father over the next few weeks study and prepare, study and prepare, study and prepare. 

The day came and he walked to his Daddy and wished him “Good Luck”.  I didn’t know what was going to happen.  I put my trust in God.  Either way, our son was able to learn a valuable lesson in the process.  If you want something, you go for it.  Go for it with your whole heart.  If you get it then praise the Lord for your blessing.  But if you don’t, you get back up and try again. 

We got word this morning that Rick was promoted.  I couldn’t be more proud of my husband.  He wanted it.  He worked for it.  And he got it.  I cannot think of anyone more deserving.  Patrol Sgt. at 36 years young.  I know this means moving to nights and that it will come with its own set of challenges.  I am sure you all will be hearing from me soon about all that. But like we always do, we will get through it. 

To my husband, I will never take you for granted.  I know that everything you do, you do for us.  I will always be the support you need.  I love you.

And just because I rarely get all mushy and I could barely write this post because it was hard to see through watery eyes, here are a few things LE related that make me giggle…

·         My husband didn’t make the laws, he just enforces them

·         The left arm tan line

·         Sending him to run my errand that involves a picking up texas sized donut

·         Scarying the hell outta my friends/family with the police knock

·         Making people think that I am evading the police when my husband pulls up behind me

·         How my boss thinks I have unlimited access to the evidence room…he was a 60s kid

·         The thought of my husband rounding up a cow in the middle of 79

Bye for now, loves.

Perspective

The LEO life is all my Lil' D has ever known.  In fact, it's all any of the boys in our house have ever known.  His slightly older cousin Big D met his now Tio Rickey when he turned one and now his own daddy has also joined the LEO family.  Our littlest one, BrayBray, who is quickly approaching his very first birthday, will soon realize what his Daddy does too.

It was decided pretty early on in a conversation I had with my LEO how I want my children to perceive his career.  Having been a LEOW for a few years at that point and the boys being old enough to start playing "Police", I had a very serious moment within myself.  Watching them chase each other around the house, one with handcuffs in hand and the other screaming and laughing and running away, I wondered if this is the only way they see Rick.  While they were incredibly cute running and laughing and playing I wanted to be sure that they knew what Daddy/Tio Rickey really does.  He saves people.  

I realize that "getting the bad guy" sounds cool.  And we all want our kids to think we are cool, right?  But there is so much more to what my husband does.  In my perspective, he wasn't just getting the bad guy, he was saving people...from the bad guy or even themselves.  From something as small as a traffic ticket to taking drugs off the streets or a barricaded subject, my LEO was protecting and saving lives.  

He is saving you from a careless or reckless driver on the road.  And maybe he is a little more strict with you today because just earlier he arrived to a DOS of a small child because someone didn't want to sit through a stoplight so they tried to beat the light but instead t-bones a family vehicle.  He is saving you from yourself as you travel at a high rate of speed down a small back road.  But maybe it means something more to him because just last week he found that truck wrapped around a pole and now a wife and three children will be left without their husband and daddy.  He is saving that lady from the EDP who is holding his Mom hostage in his bedroom.  He is saving those families from drowning in the floods. He is saving the youth in our community from that drug dealer he captured during that vehicle pursuit who planned on distributing methamphetamine to our babies.

At a time when Law Enforcement and their actions are being dragged through the mud, I hope that we can change the perspective of our young ones.  Let them know that Police Officers save people rather than get the bad guys.  Help them understand that if they ever need help that they can trust that my husband, my children's daddy, will be there to help them as fast as he can.  Please stop telling them that if they don't finish their lunch that that cop over their will put you in jail.  If you do that in front of us by the way, we will quickly make it a point to call you out.  Just a fair warning.

As I hear the sirens screaming way too early this Saturday morning, I wonder how my boys are going to perceive these kinds of calls as they get older.  I hope that they see that he is protecting us and others from the guy with a gun and not just that he is going to get him and put him in jail.  I hope that they understand that Daddy's job means more than putting bad guys in jail.  Daddy's job means saving and helping people he doesn't know.  And that is okay with him and it is also okay with us because somebody out there does know and love them and that means that we have to make that sacrifice as a family. I hope that when people ask my children what their Daddy does that their response will be, "He saves people." 

I have prayed a lot recently that people see my husband for who he really is.  He is a good cop with good intentions.  

save¹

sāv

verb

1. 1.

   keep safe or rescue (someone or something) from harm or danger.

   synonyms:

   rescue, come to someone's rescue, save someone's life;  set free, liberate, deliver, extricate

Who Do You Think You Are?

Hey news reporter!  You, Mr. Lou Bloom, over there!! What are your intentions exactly??  What is it that you have against my husband?!

It’s obviously not the time he took Christmas presents to your neighbor’s grandkids because they would have went without that year or the time he risked all he had to save that gal from her abusive boyfriend.  Or not even that time that he cradled that toddler on that dirt driveway and gave him CPR long after he knew he had been given his wings.  Those times were not newsworthy I guess.  Those times don’t matter.

In all honesty, I feel sad for you.  What must it be like to seek out the ugly all the time?  How does one feel after twisting and manipulating situations so that they make good people look bad.  Are you proud of your “accomplishments”?  Is this what you want your children to be surrounded by?  To believe that this world is made up of nothing but evil? 

I was asked if I heard about the #McKinney incident.  No, I hadn’t really.  Not because I do not care but because I refuse to empower those who prey on society with psychological manipulation.  I don’t watch your stories.  I don’t listen to your stories.   If I wanted to be put in a crappy mood, I would put down a tub of Rocky Road, slap on a swimsuit and stand in front of a mirror.  At least with that I would be able to experience those moments of amazing while stuffing my face. 

I will tell you one thing with absolute certainty.  You will not destroy mine or my children’s spirit.  I will protect them from your distorted version of the truth.  If they want to know the truth they will have to seek it themselves.  I know that by giving you my time I only empower you.  My energy and time will be committed to speaking good things about the good people that surround me.  But with all this said…I can’t fix you.  I CAN fix me, however. 

Let me say this to my friends, if you don’t give them your time, then they don’t have anybody to feud with and what is the fun in that?!  We are giving them their power. 

Have you ever been told that you are the company you keep?  You don’t want that kind of company.  Don’t surround yourself with ugly.  Nobody wants to be ugly…

I will challenge myself to refrain from reading/watching your trash and instead seek out uplifting stories and share those.  Maybe over time our friends reputation will be where it deserves to be, right alongside our other local heroes.

I leave you with this.  12 Acts of Kindness From Police Officers

#ALLlivesmatter #BlueLivesMatter #StopTheHate #SpreadTheLove

Be Present

pres·ent¹

noun

     1. the period of time now occuring.

Between patrol, a diving assignment, the annual SWAT conference, training days, extra jobs, leadership class, call outs and scheduled missions he hasn't had a day off in close to a month.  So, needless to say, I was pretty excited about having an evening of nothing to do but sit there on the couch and just be with him. He was scheduled for a mission in the morning so I knew it was going to be an early night. 3AM comes fast. He made it through one show on the couch and then we decided to move into the bedroom where I planned on watching my follow up show with him and then calling it a night.

Then comes the text.

Somehow I have a sixth sense when it comes to call-out texts.  It wasn’t one of those, however.  It's the more annoying kind.  It was from the on duty deputy monitoring the call screen and tipping off my husband that the team may get called out.   It's the limbo stage.   Will they or won't they be called out?   I lost him at that moment.  His mind was no longer with me.  Couldn't he just be here until he actually gets called out?   Nope.  Instead, I lose him until the page goes out.  As I continued to watch my show, he got up and did some things and then uncommittedly sat back down on the bed.  He stared at his phone for the next 15 minutes.  Or at least that's what it felt like.  I wish they would just page him already! 

Finally the chime came through that he was waiting for.  But he didn't jump out of bed right away.  We have been married for a while and so I knew what he was doing.  He didn't want to seem too excited to leave.  He was careful so that he didn't offend me.   It was a nice gesture but seriously, I don’t know who he thinks he is kidding when he does stuff like that.  And with a quick peck, I sent him off.  But he hesitated to leave.  WTH?  Isn't that the call he was waiting for? Now that my brisk kiss matches his removed manner, it bothers him?! Wasn't his demeanor brisk and detached just waiting for that text?

Okay, wait.  I am not THAT girl.  My body has purged all post pregnancy hormones so I couldn't really blame it on that. What about that whole situation bothered me so much???  And why did it bother me enough that he actually noticed something was wrong with me.  And like all other times, as soon as the garage door closed, I fought with myself trying to make sense of what I was feeling. 

After a bit, I had figured it out.  You see, to him, he was putting on his mental armor.  It’s the whole reason he joined the team.  It's saving a life.  It’s getting the bad guy.  It's the rush and dump sensation.  But to me, these moments before they pull him away, AGAIN, could be the last moments that I have with him.   I discovered that I needed him to be there in the moments before he left. To lay with me for just a while longer.  Or to go kiss his boys goodbye since he actually had a little time to prepare.  But he wasn't and he didn't . He didn't realize what he was doing and I didn't realize how much it was hurting me.  I needed him to be present.  He didn't know how loud his actions were speaking and I didn't have time to talk it through with him.  PLUS,  I felt like I was just getting some time in with him!  Cut me a break.  **Sigh**

I hated leaving things that way.  I hated that he left worrying about what was wrong with me.  He should have been 100 percent focused on his duty to the county and its citizens, whoever they were, and he wasn't able too.  Or at least I felt that I didn't allow him to.  I felt horrible. 

I knew he would put his game face on, we would temporarily put it all on hold and we would deal with it later.  Unfortunately, later was well past my bedtime.  So like everything else, we will talk it through at some point and make adjustments to our relationship as we walk this thin blue line together, as a family. Communication is the key to success in my book and I choose to smother our marriage in it.  

Here is a good one for the wall.

Finding the Constant Among the Inconsistent

There are so many things in our life that are just plain unpredictable.  There just isn’t any certainty that things are going to happen the way we planned.  Between call-outs, trainings, late calls, extra jobs and so forth, our family has learned not to commit to anything wholeheartedly.  I say I can do that girls night next weekend because my husband will be home to take care of the boys but that is definitely not a concrete promise.  Well, when it comes to my marriage and its relation to the force there are certain consistencies that I can depend on; some are more welcome than others.  Here are a few examples.

1. I can always expect numerous outbursts from the off-duty professional with his arm around me while watching that pre-recorded crime drama.  It may happen like this.  “That would never happen.” “What are you doing?!"  If a (bleepity-bleep) ever backlit me like that…” “Bring in that elbow you idiot!)  **Sigh**  One day he will remember they are just actors.  This is just a movie.  The bad guy got caught.  That’s all they want you to know.
2. It did not take me long at all to figure out that when we were in public I always had a pre-determined seat.  That seat was any one that I wanted that was not the one facing the main point of entry in a facility.  It’s so instinctual for me now.  While we are led to our table I quickly scope my options considering which seat allows for the best view of the majority of the crowd while also having a non-obstructive view of the main entrance.  I DO NOT sit here.  It needs a cool name.  Maybe something like the BVP, Best Vantage Point.  I mean, what happens at a SWAT conference and they go out to dinner?  Do they flip for that seat or what?
3. My officer finds comfort in offensive humor.  Please do not mistake his grim wittiness for insensitivity.  It’s simply a way to make light of a terrible situation.  This makes it interesting when he and my father, an Austin Firefighter, get together in public. I always feel the need to apologize before we even sit down or use their P.A. to give out some sort of disclosure.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything though.
4. Inside jokes and code phrases, or “shift talk” as I like to call it.  Whether it be a coding system to rate the beauty of a woman or some made-up word to describe the crack-head they tackled during a foot pursuit, cops have their own language.
5. The random doorbell question during dinner.  This happened more often when we just moved into the neighborhood but it still happens randomly. Neighbor:  Uh, hi, uh…My best friend’s mom’s ex-husband keeps calling her.  What can she do? Me: (in my head of course) Uh, well, uh…she can tell him to screw off.  But that’s why I don’t answer the door. 
6. You will know his friends and co-workers by their last names long before you get to their first.
7. The quiet that interrupts our lunch conversation is just another part of the gig.  My oldest still hasn’t caught on, but he will get there.  Dylan and Braydan will come to know that Daddy has a certain stare when something important comes over his radio.  It’s easier to notice, of course, when his earpiece is not in.
8. The sound of Velcro is like Heaven on earth.  This means my husband is with me one more sweet day.
9. Number nine is my favorite.  While out with my uniformed love, I will never take for granted the random handshake or “thank you”.  It will always be a proud moment to see my husband being honored by a citizen who is thankful for his service to the community.  I always feel privileged to be standing next to him when that happens and am always humbled when they turn to me and thank me for being supportive of his career.  

You see, when you are a LEO wife you will always be disappointed if you expect things to happen a certain way.  But there are a few things you can expect to be somewhat consistent and I hold on to those dearly.