How do you do it?

How do you do it?  That is the single most common question I am asked.  I can’t remember the first time I had been asked that question but when I was, I wasn’t even sure myself.  It kind of forced me to think about it.  How do I do it?  When I thought about it, I should be a nervous wreck every second of my life.  My first immediate thought was it was because I had been raised in a similar circumstance. 

I have been the daughter of an Austin Firefighter for almost 20 years now.  I grew up with uncommon schedules and holidays that consisted of us packing up and heading to the station to be surrounded by my Dad’s brothers and their families.  I was used to the worry that he could be injured or not come home one day.  But when I really thought about it, this was different.  A lot different.  Mainly because I was now a wife and a mother.  I had a husband and then came a child.  I had to fill the role of supportive wife under extreme circumstances.  This new life came with late nights, long hours, lost plans, overtime, bad jokes and 2 A.M. pages. 

By no means is playing the role of a cop’s wife meant for the dependent, clingy, “pay attention to me” type.  This is not for the weak.  Sometimes I do have to reassure myself that I am as strong as I think I am.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t clinch when I hear his phone ring in the middle of dinner or fight the urge to be disappointed because that was one more birthday party we would attend without him.   In the same way that my husband has to put his selfishness aside to protect others, I will put mine aside to protect him.  This is my duty.  The last thing I want for him to do is worry about how I am handling it all.  I want him to put his whole focus on his duty to the department and all the good, bad and ugly that comes with that badge. 

Over the years it has become apparent to me just how I handle it.  It’s who I am.  I am a protector.  However and whenever I learned it I am unsure.  Is it because I am the oldest of seven siblings? I don’t know.  When it came to my husband and his career I never had to think why I did it.   I just did.  That’s what you do when you love someone.  You put them before you.  And that was what I was doing.  He needed to know that when he kissed me on the forehead before walking out that door that I would be fine and he wouldn’t have to worry about me.  I would take care of our son and our home until he came home to take that role back, whenever and however that would be. 

Why do you do it?  This one is easy.  I love him.  And although I may lack in showing him that other areas of our relationship.  Supporting him while he walks this thin blue line is one thing he can count on because I know his life depends on me doing just that.  I made a promise to him before God that I will show him unconditional love.  I married him knowing what he did and when I married him I married the department.  And that’s okay with me because when he is home and I see the way he looks at me and our son that love is what makes it all worth it. 

Tomorrow an officer will walk over to his wife bearing that badge.  He’ll kiss her while thinking to himself that he will do whatever it takes to come home to her safely and she’ll say a silent prayer that he will uphold that promise.  They both know what each is thinking and accepts that because that is what has to be done.  This will continue for as long as the world needs protecting. 

I love my officer and although sometimes I may not like his job, I respect it and that will never change.